Today, I am 9108 days old. No, I didn't count. I Googled that shit, like a smart person, and found a website that told me.
I can never find time to blog here, mainly because I don't think any of the updates about myself that I want to share are especially noteworthy.
Or are of any interest to anyone but myself.
Does anyone really care about how excited I am about finding Coffee-mate's Strawberry Cheesecake creamer and Dulce De Leche creamer last night at Wal-Mart?
Or my annoyance that Nabisco hasn't released any new and creative Oreo flavors recently - just a lilac-version of the Marshmallow Peeps edition (they already did this flavor last year, but pink) and a yellow-colored Oreo for springtime (that's basically the same flavor as the original - just recolored cream - yawwwnn)?
Or how my cute Siamese slept on his back, cradled in my arms like a baby, looking up at me with a sleepy kitty smile? (Seriously, he let me hold him like a baby, and then promptly passed the fuck out and started snoring.)
What about how I gave up on the Oxford comma last week because now that I work in SEO, I suddenly care very deeply about saying the most with the least amount of characters? (If you must know, writing a meta title with optimized keywords and keeping it under 70 characters can get very tricky. And that's why I am giving up on the Oxford comma. Sorry to everyone whose papers I edited in college because chances are good that I snuck one - or multiple - in there. I have converted to the way of the Internet, and it now owns me and all my thoughts.)
I could talk about my new obsession with LUSH body conditioner. Or, on a similar note, how the dry Arizona heat is affecting my hands... leading me to apply tons of rose-scented hand lotion every hour, much to the dismay of my male non-lotion-wearing coworkers. (I'm making assumptions that they don't use hand lotion because I've never seen it happen. I'm also making assumptions that they smell my rose-scented lotion, and politely say nothing to me about it.)
Or my furious battle with other Yelpers to be the Duchess of Costco (Gilbert) and Winco (Gilbert). And uh, Wal-Mart (Gilbert) too, if I'm being honest.
Or how I beat a 3rd playthrough of Borderlands 2 with my friend Alice last night. (Note to all: Playing Zer0 is really boring. And this is coming from someone who likes sniper rifles in general. Seriously, when choosing a class, pick Mechromancer or Psycho or Siren. Don't do Assassin. It's really boring.)
Or that I learned what prone is. And how to do it. PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds, or PUBG, has officially contributed to my vocabulary. Who says video games don't teach you anything? (By the way, prone is when you drop to the ground and crawl. It's like crouching in any other first-person-shooter, but on steroids. You want to prone when you are in a field of tall grass, because it's harder for enemies to spot you.)
I have a lot to say. However, none of it seems important to the public. And so I hesitate to post my ramblings online. And then months go by, and subsequently, my blog is never updated, and I have a handful of unpublished drafts that are about everything and nothing.
Eh, fuck it. HAVE AT IT! Go forth, my thoughts, into the vast abyss of the Internet! You are now free! (I like to have fun, see.)